Parents face challenges in feeding kids. The general myth is that picky eating is a problem of today’s world. But that’s not true.
- Picky eating was challenging in previous generations too. Haven’t you seen elders in your family who are stubborn about how they want their meal?
- The challenge now is that there are fewer helicopter moms who can keep running around the house to feed kids.
- They have careers and less time to deal with tantrums.
I am not saying you give up on your career. Absolutely not. A working mom sets a good example for her kids, and kids also get to become more self-reliant. That is a beautiful form of parenting.
One gets a lot of advice from family & friends, but most solutions seem to increase a mother’s work. Let’s discuss a few pointers that might actually help for toddlers and younger kids.
What does an infant do with any object given to it? Takes it in the mouth.
- That’s the natural instinct the child is born with.
- When we react to this and stop the baby to avoid a mess, the child starts becoming selective in what it puts in its mouth.
- We can’t allow the child to consume anything unhealthy. But if it’s a clean toy, a cloth, or something it cannot choke on, let them chew.
- Even when removing an object, try not to react instinctively. Tough job, but the infant is learning from your reactions, so we must practice controlling them.
Every person is born with some Taste Preferences
- Some kids easily accept most tastes, some babies will not.
- Most of the time, rejection is visual rather than taste, because everything on earth is new to the baby.
- Research has shown that if a mom happily ate a balanced diet during pregnancy and accepted most tastes and textures, there is a high chance the child will also accept most.
The Child is observing the Environment
- After birth, the child is observing the environment. If one or more family members are choosy, the child is bound to be choosy.
- We have to create an environment where everyone accepts most food items.
- If you make excuses, the child will too. If you say, “Mujhe to doctor ne mana kiya hai”, the child will use the same excuse on your face.
- You know it’s a lie, but it’s so cute that you smile and let it go. As the child grows, they learn which excuses work.
They will also learn Tantrums
- Let’s not encourage that. If a child is throwing a tantrum for something, do not give in.
- Tell them, “We will talk when your tantrum is over. It’s ok to show your emotions, and I will let you cry, but when you feel better we will talk about this.”
- When the child is more rested, tell them why a certain food is not allowed and why you want them to eat a healthy meal.
Praise everyday food
- We tend to praise festive or restaurant foods but not regular food, so the child learns that only those foods are preferable.
- Praise even when you have prepared vegetable daliya, a simple green vegetable, crunchy nuts or a seasonal fruit.
- That’s psychological conditioning, which will make the child like all healthy foods.
Do not make the child sit and eat an entire meal for 2 hours
- A toddler cannot eat a large meal like an adult. Give smaller portions.
- If you are working, leave smaller portions in the tiffin and instruct the caregiver.
- Making them eat a large meal over 2 hours makes them hate the eating process.
- Give them enough to eat in 10-15 minutes.
Let them eat with their own hands
- Let them eat with their own hands, not fed by a caregiver with a mobile in hand or TV in front.
- Let them make a mess. As motor skills develop, the child will learn to eat neatly. It’s ok.
Don’t make fancy dishes frequently
- Those Instagram reels are interesting, and yes, a different shape and taste might help the child eat better.
- But let’s get real. You are working and don’t have so much time every day.
- If the child learns that special meals will be prepared for them regularly, it will be big trouble.
- They will not learn to eat roti-sabji-dal-chawal-dahi-salad if you constantly give snacks made from the same ingredients with more colour and shape.
- Do not give special treatment. Make them habituated to eat what is prepared for the family. That’s the only way they will learn family meals, and it will not increase your work.
- Occasional pampering as a reward is ok though.
These pointers are for kids below 12 years of age, starting from weaning. Parents who take counselling with me have said these points, along with our counselling discussions, have not only helped the kids but also eased work for working parents.
Teenagers are Different
The challenges with teenagers are not always taste. They are influenced by society, friends, cousins and social media. A few pointers for teenagers:
1. Plan early childhood habits well
- If early childhood habits are planned well and the child is frequently educated about healthy choices, there is a high chance the teenage years will be easier.
2. Become “friendly parents”
- Kids should have more faith in their parents than friends or social media. Until the child becomes a teenager, we need to be instructive parents.
- Once the child is a teenager, become “friendly parents”. Not exactly friends, as our role is still to help them make sensible decisions, but in a more friendly manner.
- Then there is a chance they will be less influenced and listen to their parents more.
- Psychology says boys have more inclination towards mothers and girls towards fathers, so use this to your advantage.
3. Sometimes be strict parents
- Sometimes we have to be strict. Teenagers think they are adults and want control over their decisions, but they are far from adulthood.
- Let them hate you sometimes. I am not saying hit them, that will scar your relationship for life. But be firm on your rightful decisions.
- Sometimes the child can be right. Maybe the recipe they want is actually healthy and you weren’t aware. Accept when you are wrong. Say sorry, build trust. That goes a long way.
4. Let them cook
- Sometimes their choice of food isn’t wrong, you just don’t have the time or energy to prepare an elaborate meal.
- Good news: they are big enough to cook. Make them prepare it. We should make them used to household work.
- Our helping maids are educating their kids, and our kids might not get the same facilities. If they aren’t self-reliant, it might become challenging for them.
Final Word
- These are a few generalised points. This is a topic on which a book can be written.
- Every family, child and parent has their own challenges.
- You are most welcome to book your personal session with Dietitian Anuradha. Click on Contact us.
This article is for educational purposes and does not replace personalised medical advice.
